It seems like Spike TV has been showing nothing but Star Wars movies since Sunday. With Rebecca working nights, that means I’ve watched episodes I-III again. I must say, watching them in close proximity to each other makes them flow much better. It also reminds me of everything inherently wrong with them. For no real reason, here go a whole bunch of snarky comments at Lucas’ expense:

• I know Lucas likes droids, but where did he find an acting droid that looks just like Natalie Portman? I swear, if you don’t listen to the voice, it almost looks like a human being.
• I know the real reason they have to start Jedi training so young. Let’s just say if they didn’t, untrained adolescent Jedi would know the “Jedi mind trick” as the “bra remover”.
• Attention George Lucas: It is possible for someone to injure another human being in a sword fight by methods other than limb removal. Really.
• Some time between 1977 and 1999 screen wipes went the way of the disco ball and shag carpeting. I don’t know exactly when or how it happened, but I do know that someone forgot to include Lucas on the memo distribution list.
• A droid shooting a weapon whose payload consists of some form of energy (like a laser), should never miss it’s target. If it does, the person who designed it should be fired. From a canon.
• What’s with Anakin anyway? He’s 8 years old in the first movie. I’m going to give you a look at what his stream of consciousness should look like given his age: “I really like Padme, she’s pretty, and nice, and cool, and oh look – A butterfly!” Seriously – 8 year olds do not fall in love.
• Yoda: I can say nothing bad about Yoda. I know he’s a puppet, but somehow I’m afraid that if I do he’ll find a way to kick my butt. The fight scene against Dooku in Episode II was cool – Yoda flying around the screen like a toddler on Pixie sticks, Dooku flailing a flashlight at an imaginary object which would later be put there by a computer – it’s amazing it came out so well. The fight scene in episode III is even better. Yoda simply owns the scene. Owns it. He might be 2 feet tall and computer generated, but he carries himself with panache.
• Yoda doesn’t draw his lightsaber before a big fight – he holds out his right hand and the lightsaber flies into it. Now that is badass. (Also something I didn’t notice the first few times I saw the movie). The scene is on youtube if you want to verify it. (1:35 in).